


I'm not a homophobe!

by QueenAnnxiety



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fluff, M/M, calling Yosuke out, humor fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 01:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenAnnxiety/pseuds/QueenAnnxiety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke is pretty much convinced that he is not a homophobe - except he is and he learns it the hard way. So his best friend is gay and he has to become un-homophobic somehow. Awkward second hand embarrassment ensued!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not a homophobe!

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo I had this story on my notebook for months and finally I edited it and uploaded it! Thanks to letseatthestars for beta reading and making me finish it :) It's supposed to be fun I hope you like it ^^ Yosuke makes me so angry sometimes but he is also a cute dork who doesn't know any better and is so in love with his partner.

The words »Yosuke, I need to talk to you about something« never implied any good. He still has a vivid memory of the day Nozaki Haruka, the girl from 2b, the girl he had such a huge crush on you could see it from the moon, aka the girl who broke his heart for the first time, told him these exact same words and then proceeded with saying: »Please stop liking me, it’s embarrassing.« So these words still triggered a bunch of traumatic feelings and now that his partner, aka the most important person in his life, had said them, he really felt Nozaki Haruka all over again.

»Wha-what, why?,« he managed to stammer, an awkward laugh escaping his lips. His pulse was maybe as high as while defeating shadows. Probably higher.

»Sit down.«

Yosuke sat down on Yuu’s couch. Yuu looked calm as always, nothing was giving away what the hell he wanted from Yosuke. Were they fighting? Had he said something wrong? Was Yuu breaking up with him, their friendship that is? Was Yuu going to leave? Yosuke mind drove him insane.

»Yosuke please don’t freak out -« _I’m fucking freaking out._

»But I really wanted to tell you, since you are my best friend…« _Don’t leave me freaking hanging._

»That I’m gay.«

And then Yosuke’s mind went blank. He might as well have been blacking out. He looked straight into Yuu’s eyes, slowly processing the information he just got, realizing that they didn’t have a fight and that Yuu still was the most important person in his life. Panic turned into shivering and suddenly all the adrenaline went into a huge laughing fit. He laughed until he cried, then wiped back the tears and tried to be earnest again. Still, Yuu had to be kidding him.

»So you are gay? I thought you liked Yukiko?«

»I’m actually bi, I think.«

»So you are gay? Like you mean it or?,« Yosuke asked a second time. Maybe he hadn’t heard right at first. Maybe his partner wanted to test him.

»Yes, I’m _bi_.«

»Really?«

»Really!«

»Well, okay.« Yosuke wiped his hands on his jeans. It was kind of a big information, but he didn’t wanted to be an asshole about it.

»You okay with that?« Finally Yuu stepped a bit closer and his whole posture seemed more relaxed. Now Yosuke could see how tense the other was before.

»Well, it’s a bit weird. A bit new. I mean maybe I shouldn’t sleep next to you…«

Yuu looked a bit like he wanted to slap him across his face, so Yosuke grinned awkwardly. Still, what if Yuu had a crush on him? Maybe Nozaki Haruka was feeling the exact same thing. Now he finally understood her, two years later.

»Yosuke, don’t make this about you again! And before you ask, I have a boyfriend.«

»You do? Kanji?«

Yosuke felt a tap sad that his partner wasn’t in love with him. No, what was he thinking, that was a good thing.

»No, not Kanji. It’s Kou.«

Kou. It felt like a punch to the gut. Like he slapped him in the face literally. Kou. Out of all people Yuu could have dated, he chose Kou, the first friend Yosuke had in Inaba. Yosuke fidgeted in his place. Why was he mad all of the sudden? He should be happy for both of his friends. Or something like that. No, he was happy that his partner had found someone. At least as long as he didn’t have to see them making out. He gulped before speaking up again.

»Oh, okay. That’s kinda… I don’t know. Well, if you are happy, partner. Wait – is he the reason why you and Yukiko broke up?«

Yuu blinked at him once, then his face became a hint of a smile and a fond expression which was kinda gross and endearing at the same time. Yuu really was in love. With a guy. Gosh.

»Actually yes. While I was still with Yukiko, Kou had kissed me and - «

»Okay, okay, I don’t need the details… Let’s play a game or something.«

When it got dark outside, Yosuke started to make his way home. He stopped at the door, lingering for a moment, before asking:

»Why haven’t you talked to me earlier? It must have troubled you, the whole Yukiko-Kou-Situation. You could have needed a best friend.«

»I…« Yuu looked towards the pile of clothing on his floor. He sighed strained.

»Actually, because you are a homophobe.«

 

*

 

A homophobe? He, a homophobe? He was in fact _not_ a homophobe! Only stupid people were homophobes. His best friend, his first friend and another friend were queers so he couldn’t be a homophobe. Just because he didn’t want them to shove it in his face. This didn’t make him a homophobe. And also, technically it was not normal, right? Like two guys? That’s not how it normally works, so.

»What do you think about two guys together?,« he suddenly blurted out in the middle of a conversation about steak. Yukiko and Chie abruptly looked at him, puzzled.

»Do you have to tell us something, Yosuke?« Chie grinned teasingly. Yukiko laughed.

»What, no!! Eww, not me. Just generally. Like, you think it’s not normal, too, right?«

»I wouldn’t say it’s not normal, I would say… it’s unusual. Like it’s rare but not bad?,« Chie answered. Yukiko shook her head approvingly.

»Yes, I think so, too. There is nothing wrong with it. Ever since I knew, Yuu was - « She bit her tongue.

»Yukiko!«

»Don’t worry, Yuu told me. And you are okay with this, Yukiko? He was your boyfriend!«

»Yes, why wouldn’t I be? I mean I’m still angry at him for leaving me. But not because he is bi.«

»Why are you more okay with it than I am?«

»Because you are a homophobe, Yosuke,« Chie answered.

*

Yosuke was not a homophobe and couldn’t believe his friends actually thought that about him. He kicked a stone over the yard while waiting for Yuu who never showed up. Busy as ever. Probably busy with Kou – _which was totally fine,_ because Yosuke wasn’t a homophobe. Though he liked to have his bro back. He wanted to head back home when he heard someone calling his name.

»Yo, Hanamura. What’s up? Waiting for someone?« Daisuke shot him a grin.

»Yuu actually, but I think he had other plans.«

Daisuke grinned again, threw his soccer ball in the air and caught it without problems.

»I saw him with Kou just a minute ago. They are heading to Aiya’s together. But I didn’t want to disturb them.«

Something in Yosuke’s stomach clenched. Why was Daisuke okay with his best friend leaving him hanging? They could have gone together, all four of them. That wasn’t cool.

»You look weird,« Daisuke stated blankly. Weird? How eloquent. More like angry, upset and betrayed.

»I wanted to hang out with Yuu. I mean we weren’t having plans but still. Bros before… other dudes.« He wanted to say _before nice girls_ but had to bite his tongue. »Are you okay with them dating?«

Daisuke grinned again like it was the only thing he was good at. Soccer and grinning. Yosuke was suddenly mad at him and didn’t even know why. _Get a grip, Jesus fucking Christ._

»Yes, of course. Maybe they will let us stay at Aiya’s and we can hang out together? That would be fun.«

»No, it’s okay I don’t want to see them kissing. I’m just going.«

Yosuke’s mood was at the bottom anyway.

»Oh, now I understood why Kou said you are a homophobe.«

 

*

Yosuke was definitely _not_ a homophobe! Why would he meet up with Kanji if he was? He was totally relaxed and all, too. Well, not quite relaxed but this had nothing to do with Kanji being queer.

»What is it, Senpai?,« Kanji asked while settling down the tea next to his sewing material. Yosuke wanted to drown himself in it. Why did his life lead up to this point? Probably Karma.

He needed to confirm that he was indeed not a homophobe by a gay person. Sure Kanji would understand his point. And Kanji was always honest. The right person to ask so to say.

The words were stuck in his throat for a while even though.

»Actually… Kanji, do you think I’m homophobic?«

»Yes.«

Kanji took a sip of his tea.

»What? How can you say that?«

»I thought you’d knew. It’s obvious and all.«

»Why? How? You are gay and I’m not punching you or something.«

Yosuke couldn’t help but sounding upset.

»Homophobia doesn’t mean you have to punch gays. You know that one time you didn’t want to sleep in the same tent as me thinking I would force myself upon you? That is homophobic.«

Yosuke shoulders sunk down and he curled into a ball. He wouldn’t have found it astonishing if his shadow self came out again right now. Meaning out of him – not out like being gay. And he did it again.

»I am a homophobe.«

»We accepted that fact about you for some unknown reason.«

»I’m a homophobe.«

Yosuke now lay on the floor completely motionless.

»My best friend is gay and I’m a homophobe.«

Something – someone shook his shoulder. He slightly looked up to Kanji.

»Hey, snap out of it. Other people were homophobic once and are now okay.«

»How can I be not homophobic?«

Kanji scratched the skin under his chin. Then he looked for something under his bed, hidden underneath a pile of sewing magazines.

»Maybe if you see that it’s the same no matter the gender. You can love whomever you want. Here, I brought these when I was… you know… doubting. Don’t freak out it’s just BL.«

He literally shoved the manga in Yosuke’s face.

 

*

Yosuke locked his door to make it Teddy-safe though he had a shift right now. But you never know with this bear. Sometimes Yosuke woke up in the morning right next to a snoring blond and to his misfortune this blond was male and annoying. Yosuke opened the first book with sweaty palms. He felt like doing something forbidden and he would probably deny it to his dying days. Forbidden stuff makes you addicted, they say. He read all five manga books without taking a break. And maybe without blinking, at least that was what it felt like. He’d never read love manga before and he found it very cheesy. But he had to admit that it wasn’t so bad. In the end he wished for all the protagonists to find their true love. He reread some of his scenes and stared at the kissing boys without feeling disgusted. No, he felt completely okay. With a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest he dialed Kanji’s number.

»Dude, I read them! And I didn’t barf or anything. They are totally fine. I’m not a homophobe!«

»That’s great, Senpai.«

»I should call Yuu! Or tell him tomorrow.«

»Yeah, I’m actually kinda busy, so.«

Yosuke hung up with a happy good bye. He knew he wasn’t a homophobe.

*

Okay, maybe he was. Yosuke wanted to tell Yuu the good news the following day but couldn’t really find him all through lunch break. The other just rushed out of the room – Yosuke thought to the toilets – but never came back.

»Kou and Yuu are having a lunch date,« Yukiko chirped when she came in with a bento in her hand. Chie wiggled her eyebrows right next to Yosuke who immediately woke up from his nap. A lunch date?

»Where?«

»The rooftop.« Yukiko giggled. Where else? Yosuke was stupid. He’d been on more than one _lunch date_ with Yuu. A _bro_ lunch date of course. He got up and made his way towards the rooftop even though the lessons started in less than five minutes. But he really wanted to tell Yuu (or both of them) that he wasn’t a homophobe so everything was okay again.

He opened the door and didn’t need a second to spot the couple. What he saw made him freeze in his tracks and let him blindly stare at the scenery. Yuu practically ate Kou’s face. But that wasn’t enough. One hand was behind the other’s neck and the other hand was on his thigh. Between his thigh not _there_ but close. Yosuke’s heart skipped several beats and he felt his stomach flip. No, this was just wrong. No, no, no. Seeing it in manga was okay, but this. Not at all. He turned around and didn’t stop when he heard the faint sound of his name.

He still was a homophobe. And he couldn’t be Yuu’s friend if he was. He couldn’t be _their_ friend. He had to do something.

*

Yosuke thought about lying depressed on his floor – because he definitely felt like it. But he knew he had to do something (Homework for example though this was not his priority). So he got up and started skipping through the manga again. He felt completely fine like yesterday which made him even more depressed. Then he turned on his laptop and went onto his favorite fanfiction site. Maybe he needed some new material and with the rating system he was also going to be safe. Tokyo Ghoul was his favorite anime at the time so he went with that and selected only gay slash. Way too many results. With a lump in his stomach he clicked onto the first though he didn’t think Kaneki and Tsukiyama made a good pair. It was rated G and they only kissed, which again was totally okay with Yosuke. The next one was rated T and for the first time someone mentioned gay sex which freaked Yosuke out for a second and left him with burning cheeks. But again it was okay. He felt confident to skip to mature. You have to face what you’re afraid about – this is what his shadow has told him in his way. He definitely was afraid of gay sex. Otherwise he wouldn’t have reacted that way seeing Yuu and Kou so intimate. The mature story was a long one. Good, so the sex might wait till the end and Yosuke could prepare himself.

His face was read, his heart beating fast in his ribcage, blood rushing through his ears and he couldn’t deny that he was – a bit, just a bit – aroused. He bit into his fist, heart pounding way too loud. Tokyo Ghoul would never be the same again. Why do fangirls know about this kind of stuff? How? The story ended with a climax (not a story telling climax) and Yosuke was infected. He needed more. He just scrolled to the next fanfiction, this time rated E and read it with his face nearly buried in his pillow.

He stopped reading fanfiction at three in the morning. Never had he realized how good Sasuke and Naruto went together or how deep Haruka’s and Rin’s relationship really was. Reading erotica made addictive but his eyes hurt from staring onto the laptop. He also couldn’t deny his physical reaction underneath his belt though he knew it was just normal for a boy in his age. Didn’t mean he actually liked that kind of stuff. That’s when he decided to call Yuu. First of all to calm down and second of all to tell him the good news that he wasn’t a homophobe.

»Yosuke, are you alright?« Yuu sounded worried but tired. His voice hoarse from sleeping. It was only three am, Yosuke just realized. And Yuu worried about him. No, that didn’t feel insanely good.

»I’m fine. Perfect. I just read about twenty gay slash fanfiction and I’m not a homophobe.«

»You what? You sure you’re alright?«

»Yes! So is it really like that? Does it hurt every time?«

Yosuke’s sleep deprived mind might have had something to do with this question. Talking about sex with your best bro was okay – wasn’t it?

»Uhm, Yosuke, I’m not… do you really wanna know?«

»Yes. Or are you a virgin?«

Yosuke heard the blanket shuffle on the other side of the line. Yuu barely whispered into the phone.

»No, I’m not. And you have to prepare your partner so it won’t hurt. Do we really have to discuss this? Look I’m really happy you… engaged this subject and informed yourself. It makes me happy, thank you, partner.«

Yosukes heart made a little thing that he tried to ignore. He could fall asleep with just Yuu’s voice. That wasn’t weird, right? Just because Yuu had a fantastic calm voice. Yosuke wanted to say good night and leave him be when suddenly a second voice came through the speaker.

»Are you speaking to someone, Yuu-kun?« Even though the voice sounded different through the phone there was no mistaking it. It was Kou right next to Yuu. Sleeping next to Yuu. After they had sex. Yosuke felt so sick to his stomach he wanted to throw up.

»Kou’s with you?« His voice was strained, the words didn’t come easy. He thought about the scene he witnessed and now imagined Yuu and Kou in bed. Together. How Kou was sprawled underneath his partner, how they moaned together. Yosuke felt like scratching his eyes out and bleaching his brain.

»Yosuke…«

»Good night, partner.« It was hard to sound casual when his voice was layered with disgust. No, no, he can’t be still a homophobe. He hung up and called it defeat.

*

He felt like hating himself but he had to go to school. He didn’t wait for Yuu on their meeting point and drove into a lantern twice. When he reached school he texted Yuu that he was already there. He wondered whether Kou and Yuu were going to school together or not. How could his uncle be fine with that? Them doing _this_ in his house.

**[Is everything ok? I’m sorry about yesterday.]**

Ever so worried Yuu. He was like a mother hen and way too polite. Yosuke should apologize not him.

**[evrythngs fine cu soon. Didnt want to interrpt ur date w/ kou]**

**[He actually went home before my uncle got up. Still not out to him. Nanako might know tho.]**

Yuu’s correctness when writing texts made Yosuke smile. But he also felt like a dick for not waiting for Yuu. He couldn’t see them together. He just _couldn’t_.

The day went by way too slowly and Yosuke tried not to run into the couple. Yuukou, Kyuu, Kouyuu? At some point Chie looked at him weird but didn’t ask the question she was implying in her stare.

*

So he wasn’t afraid of kissing, not afraid of loving and not afraid of explicitly written gay sex. What if he was afraid of the real deal? Reading was different than seeing – imagining. Without thinking it through he opened a porn site and looked through the gay section. Not that he visited this site often. When he finally found something with two guys that didn’t look like they could break your jaw with their dicks he clicked it. He was glad that Teddie and his parents weren’t coming home until seven when his work shift started. Having shifts on Friday night was his dad’s newest punishment idea. This time for coming home two hours late. Yosuke was pretty nervous when the two boys started peeling each other’s clothes off. They were both slender and handsome – like Yuu and him, he noted. Though none of them had white hair. They were getting it on way too fast for Yosuke.

Was it bad that he felt like jerking off to gay porn when he wasn’t gay? He didn’t do it in the end because he felt like he couldn’t wash the shame from his hand. Despite that he felt fine. No disgusted stomach flipping. Nothing. Just teenage hormone arousal.

He tried to call Yuu. It rang two times then it disconnected. Yuu must have denied the call. Two seconds later a message came:

**[Sorry can’t talk right now ;3 if you know what I mean ^.-]**

**[Dude tmi]**

He texted back even though he felt like throwing the phone through the room. Then he felt like crying. Instead he picked up his phone and dialed again.

*

Kanji put a cup of tea next to the half dead body of his Senpai and shook his shoulder a little. This scene felt kind of déjà vu. Yosuke looked up a bit and let his head fall onto the floor again. Thankfully Kanji lived in a traditional styled house and the floor was softer than Yosuke’s.

»What-uh- what is it, Senpai?«

»I’m the worst friend ever.«

»I think Yuu would have a completely different opinion about that.« He knew Naoto had his trade mark smirk on the lips. Kanji and Naoto had been hanging out quite a lot lately that’s why Kanji wasn’t as stupid and oblivious as he was before. But Yosuke was sure they weren’t an item and Kanji was still hopelessly in love with the detective. Yosuke didn’t know if this would make Kanji really gay or something else and he was still confused if Naoto wanted to be a girl or a boy. Lately he started to refer to himself as male so he kind of went along with it. Which made Kanji gay and not bi, right? Yosuke felt like such an asshole for not knowing these things. He was bigoted. He whimpered a little in self-pity.

»Senpai! Yuu likes you more than anyone! Like when he looks at you, it’s just…« Kanji didn’t finish his sentence for the lack of words. Naoto smiled and nodded. The way he looked at Yosuke? Was it different than the way he looked at everyone else? It made Yosuke’s heart ache. Why the hell?

»Damn right he should like me I watched gay porn for him! But it didn’t help!«

The room went silent. So Yosuke blabbered on.

»I mean when I see some random dudes doing it: nothing. When I know Yuu does it: I feel like vomiting. All those pictures in my head! I feel like I want to punch Kou. I don’t want Yuu to kiss him and god knows what… it makes me barf! I’m still a homophobe despite my fucking effort.«

He literally felt like throwing up but tried to calm himself.

Naoto’s voice crossed the room like a dagger:

»I don’t think you’re a homophobe. Not anymore at least. I think you are in love with Narukami-Senpai.«

»WHAT?«

Yosuke finally jumped up and looked Naoto in the eye. He meant it. Every word.

»Actually I think so, too,« Kanji said leaving Yosuke jittery with anxiety.

»No. This can’t be.«

No, not his best friend. And still he wasn’t gay. All this gay porn and – okay, he had a reaction. A pretty bold one. Though being gay was one thing – being gay for your not single BFF was another. Yosuke lay on the floor again. He didn’t want to get up.

»You were jealous.« Naoto concluded.

»I love my best friend who has a boyfriend.« Spoken out loud it still sounded insane.

»Maybe not for long! Tell him how you feel, Senpai loves you.«

Maybe or maybe Yosuke would destroy their friendship forever.

*

Yosuke thought about a lot of things in the safety of his bedroom. He wasn’t the type of guy for philosophical issues, still he thought about things that mattered like friendship or a murder case, Ladies and Gentlemen. Right now he thought about being gay in the boonies. Because no, there was nothing wrong with being gay, he could now see it. It was just like any other couple though maybe even hotter. And it might not occur as a problem to him that he was gay when he a) wouldn’t live in the boonies and b) wasn’t in love with his best friend. But he was, he undeniably was. Naoto said that thing he had been afraid about since the day Yuu helped him out of the trash can. _That_ he was: trash. He belonged there, had Yuu only let him in there. He had tried so hard being in love with girls and along came Yuu. Special freaking Narukami Yuu. Maybe he wasn’t a homo, maybe he was Yuu-sexual like everyone, really. And it might have worked out between them if Yuu wasn’t in love with someone else. Was he really?

Yosuke hated himself when he speed dialed Yuu’s number. But he couldn’t help himself. All those stupid remarks were some kind of protect mechanism, shutting away his real thoughts. Sleeping in a tent with two guys would have been hell for Yosuke but not for the reason he stated, not for the reason he wanted to believe. How could someone be a homophobe when they were homosexual?

»Yosuke, hey, what’s up?«

Yosuke wanted to hang up, Yuu was faster. Of course. He sounded so cheerful seeing Yosuke’s name on the display. It made Yosuke’s heart ache und flutter at the same time. It was terrible.

»Are you in love with Kou?,« he blurted out before losing his bravery.

»I, uhm, why do you wanna know?« He hesitated. Good.

»Because I might know someone who is in love with you.«

Maybe Yuu rolled his eyes, maybe he got nervous, maybe he couldn’t sort his words. He needed a lot time to answer.

»Actually, I’m in love with someone but it isn’t Kou.«

»I thought you really liked him…« No, he couldn’t asked if it’s him. No. Also he liked Kou, he was friends with him. He couldn’t go around snatching his boyfriend away.

»I do but we don’t have this kind of relationship. Before we came together I told him I like someone else and he was okay because he likes someone else, too.« There was no question who he was talking about (cough Daisuke cough). But this meant… Yosuke had a chance.

»Is it someone I know? I mean the one you like.«

Saying Yosuke’s heart was pounding so nard it might break his ribs would be an understatement.

»Yes, actually, you know him very well.«

»The person that is in love with you, knows you very well, too. Maybe you should describe him.«

»Mhm, lemme see. He is this kind of pretty boy type but really goofy and does stupid things sometimes. He is not as cool as he looks.«

Was that – was that supposed to describe him? Or oh my god, it could be Teddie or Naoto or maybe Kanji?

»And he has brown hair and doesn’t leave the house without headphones and he has this weird thing that he calls me partner and then says everything is platonic. You know, he is kind of homophobic so he will never love me back. So I never told him.«

Yosuke wanted to cry. He held the phone right next to his ear, absorbing Yuu’s word as if it was the best story ever told.

»So who is that guy who is in love with me? Do I know him?,« Yuu asked when Yosuke didn’t respond. He couldn’t.

»Well…« Yosuke’s voice sounded straddled. »You know him really well because he was the first person you met in Inaba. Except for your uncle, it isn’t your uncle. And he is really pretty and has an awesome personality and is funny and witty and he really likes music and he used to be homophobic but just because he denied he was in love with his best friend in the boonies… so… Maybe you should meet him.«

»So how’s this guy’s name?«

»Hanamura Yosuke.«

Yosuke died three times while he waited for Yuu to answer.

»Well, I’m one lucky man.«

*

»You watched gay porn just for me? That is kind of… romantic.«

Yosuke tried not to look into Yuu’s eyes he was too embarrassed.

»We could watch it together next time.« Yuu suggested it like it was some kind of romantic novel that was socially acceptable to watch together.

Yosuke had to look. Yuu meant it. His face was smug and his eyes full of new ideas to make Yosuke suffer. But in the end he didn’t make him suffer. He slid his hand behind the small of his back and kissed him on the lips. While their first kiss was slippery and rushed, all the kisses that followed were just beyond perfect.

»Now let me kick your ass with Ayane.«

»You wish.«

Being together with your best friend was the best thing ever.

  

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on absolut-talentfrei.tumblr.com


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